And finally a post..

What is one supposed to do when he has to choose one from two equally valued options ? Equally valued in ALL respects. Just made two decisions last week, one, the actual decision and another to stick to it whatever happens. But I feel like changing both of them ? I know its not very good to do this. But is really bad ?

Can I ask for anything more ?

Dark chocolate cake, with one of my best friends, at 12:00, a few phone calls, few messages, early morning, a fast train, me standing at the door, from mumbai to pune, clouds all the way .. slight drizzle.. waterfalls.. green mountains, my ipod, with my favourite song , 'dhadkan jara ruk gayi hain', a cup of coffee, no network coverage on my mobile phone all through the khandala ghat, and then calls from all my very very good friends, wishing me 'happy bday and a great year ahead !' , hope this year is as great as all those 25 years were :-). Could I ask for a better bday gift ?

A question that's now answered !

Around the same time last year, someone had asked me , "If there was one thing that you could change in your life, what would that be ?" At that time, inspite of 100 things that had gone wrong, I couldn't think of anything, which kind of meant that everything was just almost perfect ! Well today, to answer the same question, I would like to change the way I lived the entire 1 yr, back from today's date. I have learnt so many things from life, probably even more than what I had learnt in all the 23 yrs before that ! Just like a crash course on so many things...At the same time last year, I did not believe in any of these, but now I think they are the hard facts of life. To summarize a few,

1. Never trust anyone completely, not even yourself.
I did believe I could always trust some people, trust myself, my inner voice, my intuitions. But none of this advisable to do.

2. If a person says something, it does not necessarily mean he/she means it, so its better to believe in actions than in words.
I always believed words very so very important. I always believed its more important to say a word to show care, even if a friend actually did not manage to do something that he/she promised.

3. Time and money are the most important things we have in life, think twice before spending them for ANYONE.
I always believed in spending time and money for everyone whom I know, that good things done for someone never go unreturned, that going out of way and doing things for people is what is most important and gave me the most satisfaction.

4. Miracles never happen !!
This is the greatest paradox, at a point of time you may feel that something is going so much the way you wanted it to go, without you taking much efforts for it. This is exactly when you start believing in miracles, but after a while you will realise that it was all nonsense, and miracles are never meant to happen..

5. Just like you love and care for many people, it helps to hate some people too.
Till today I was never able to hate anyone, whatever they had done to me for whatever reasons. Though I did not believe in the word "SORRY", I still had no hard feelings against anyone. But I think, everyone cannot be liked, and those who cannot be, should be disliked.

6. Everything in life, without any exceptions, is a function of NEED.
No one does anything unless he/she has his/her own purpose behind it. I always believed there existed people who did things selflessly, without any hidden intentions. Fortunately or unfortunately I still have some people around me who prove this one wrong, but I think 99 percent of the time its true.

7. The extent to which someone can hurt you depends entirely on you.
I always thought life should be an open book, and heart should be like an unshelled coconut. But its more worthwhile to have a shell around it, so as to not make it vulnerable to anyone around you.. This shell should be so strong that only you should have the right to break it.

And the list goes on ! well inspite of the fact that I learnt so many things, had so many bitter and sweet experiences in the past one year.. I think they were too expensive for me to afford, in terms of my time and my self respect, and I am going to have a hard time getting both of these back !!!!

Searching for Myself

Searching for Myself
.......by Debbie Pettengill

Feels good to know someone somewhere sometime thought exactly the way I think NOW...

I remember a time when my heart would sing out I remember the joy and what life was about
But something has happened to that girl I knew I wish I could find her but I haven't a clue

I search for the happiness that was taken away I search for my heart, every night, every day
A search that's exhausting, that gnaws at the mind I search for myself, for my heart I must find

It's a lonely road but the path holds just me It's a journey of rebirth, of trying to break free
But I will find my heart, somewhere on that road And remember once again of days long ago

To those people who try and get hurt none-the-less In trying to help me in this time of duress,
Please don't give up, remember me then Back in the days, when my smile came from within

I'm trying to find my way back to that place Where laughter and joy put a smile on my face
Where friends and family meant the world to me I pray that I find it, I pray to be free

I get scared sometimes of what I've become Will my heart stay like stone? But I can't succumb
I have to stay strong for what lies ahead I have nothing to fear, I have nothing to dread

The search for myself has been a long, lonely one But I will find me and lead me back to the sun
To a place not so distant, a place not unknown To a place I remember, a place I call home...

??

Medical sciences say brain controls our heart, can it control to the extent of making is stop beating ? Well mine does not... then are medical sciences wrong when they say this ?

Finally...

This is what pleases me the most about coming back, any guesses... not my family.. not friends.. not the country... not weddings ...but my first love...

Finally after 2 whole days , after a hot humid afternoon, its black clouds, thunder, followed by rains, can there be absolutely ANYTHING that gives a better sense of satisfaction, not to me at least !!! Life suddenly seems so much more worth living :) :) :) and then no human being can take this joy away from me !!!

Till I write again... very soon...

Some small things give me immense satisfaction and pleasure at times...

One of them is the audience I have for my blogs and the comments they write..

Frankly, I had started writing in one of the worst phases in my life.. and writing did significantly change my life and my way of thinking... Just summarizing few of the most interesting comments on my posts...

On my post
Happy day's here again !!

Anonymous said... Hey..one more thing that contributed..Your happy bday ?? !!! Lot's of chocolates and yummy cake ?? :-p

At 1:22 PM, madhura said... happiness var 8th std madhe apan ha essay lihilaa hota if u remember!!

At 4:14 PM, Vivek said... LOL... amazing comments! :-D


On my post
Day of seclusion ..

At 12:10 PM, Anonymous said... Gifted thoughts...

At 2:58 PM, Chaitanya said... Hey just stumbled across your blog.. nice blog... keep writing :)

At 9:17 PM, Saurya said... hey .... this is nice piece of para... just that i happend to come across ur blog n profile. good writting ...

On my post

A ship in a harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are meant for !

At 4:08 PM, Vivek said... Hey, its amazing that you're moving onto something you find more interesting! It takes guts to do get out of something you are so comfortable with and do something you want to do... kudos!

At 1:06 AM, Sonali said... hmm..Way to Go!!!Sail through unknown waters..Explore greater depths..You might find a treasure .... :-)All da Best!

On my post
After a while...

At 5:22 PM, Om said... you really need some change!

At 4:33 AM, Anonymous said... After a while...

Pharach sundar aahe ya blog madhli poem !!
The first 8 lines really touched my heart !!
-Prasad

On my post
24 Carat Brass or 24 Carat Gold ?

At 9:33 PM, sandeep kulkarni said... Great review...specially first two paragraphs....This gives us additional encouragement..!!Sandeep KulkarniPanchammagic.org

At 6:41 AM, Sagar said... brilliant blog!

On my post
10 things I want to live for...

At 9:38 AM, Vivek said... Sahi! Realistic, attainable goals :-)

At 12:29 AM, Vaibhav said... I wonder how people come up with these 10 things ideas: 10 things I want to live for, 10 things I want to leave,10 things I want to do on a leave,10 things that wont leave me,...amazing.

I do have a lot many critics as well !!!!!

On my post
So close... and yet so far !

At 9:16 PM, Anonymous said... Gone are the old days.. :-)New Year New Start..!!
Wish you all the best dear !
-Mrudul

At 10:05 PM, Vivek said... Finally post kelas!!! Sneak peak nantar I was waiting for this post :-) Congrats gurl, happy days r here again!

At 11:34 AM, isha said... hey, i kno exactly how u must have felt while writing this blog....sumtimes i feel like tht too,bt then pictures painted can be framed.silly,but thts wht came to my mind when i read this....i just want to say keep the faith in times like this.keep smiling

At 8:19 PM, vikram said... Hi read ur so close and yet so far.......i m able identify with u coz more or less i m in the same situation but...."Struggle is more important than success" .......so keep fighting........

On my post
A cup of coffee

At 2:54 PM, Sachin said... Hmmm , brought back some pleasant memories , of my own :-)..... ekdam nostalgic ....I need a cup of coffee now.

On my post
Nearly perfect day...

At 9:39 PM, Anonymous said... Masta lihilays :-) Hey I am missing you... :-(-Prachi

On my post
Just lost !!

At 7:34 PM, Arz000n said... Try asking the Q back to people who come from behind and ask you, "Are you okay?"
Just pause for a while and reply back calmly...."I think I am....but are YOU???"
:)
Chill...

On my post
A really stupid post !

At 5:03 AM, msk said... Work, that I can do at my own pace, read books, write blogs, listen to songs, get tired, travel a lot, talk to friends, just the kind of change I wanted after all those 2-3 years...
Good to know that someone is enjoying life wearing the same shoes as mine. Let the element of uncertainity be there as a choice in life. A wish to predict and forecast things is as real and as interesting as a repeat telecast without a live one.

On my post
That is all I can get tired !

At 5:26 AM, Mukta A said... inspired by ur article, even i decide to work out regularly now...! :)

And finally so many of them on my "Last Post", of which perhaps this was the most touching, and gives me yet another window to life...

At 4:42 AM, msk said... When i was in 5th standard, i became addicted to reading comics. There was a library 5 km from my house where I could go and read comics for free, and it used to take me around 2 hours to go and come back. That gave me the reasons to learn to ride my bro's cycle. After sometime, the library got closed, I felt bad..probably didn't ride for 1 day, but I found lot other reasons for cycling. Infact I fell in love with it. Your reasons may not be the same then and now, but u never know when do you fall for the next one. And if you think you are open, I shall see that in your next blog.